


How It Ends

by myfleetingreverie



Series: And So It Began [2]
Category: Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral (2018), Heneral Luna (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 04:06:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16695112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfleetingreverie/pseuds/myfleetingreverie
Summary: Joven finds himself going back to the Philippines after 10 years. He was hesitant but he has no choice. What would happen if his and Vicente's paths would cross? How would he face the person he left behind?Part 2 of the And So It Began series





	1. A Decade After

“Sir, the car is waiting for you outside.” I was awakened by the sudden voice telling me that it’s time to go. I stood from the plush sofa in the lobby and walked to the hotel facade where a black sedan was waiting. I was ushered inside and found my mother seated on the other end. She planted a kiss on my cheek and took my hand.

“Joven, my dear. Are you ready to go back to the Philippines?”

I looked at her but didn’t answer. Was I ready? I don’t even know if you can prepare for something like this. It’s been 10 years since I set foot on my homeland. I never thought I would ever return. This is not to say that I have forgotten my home. I have sheer love and respect for my country. Throughout my career as a photographer and writer in Italy, my works are all inspired by Filipino culture and its people. But going back means remembering the past, something that I wasn’t keen on doing. 

When I left the Philippines and came to the United States I kept convincing my head that it was the right thing to do. However, my heart kept saying differently. It has always been the plan even before we decided to move to Bulacan. It wasn’t just my plan, it was a promise that I have to keep. 

“Basta pag college na tayo parehas tayo ng papasukan na university ah.” Rusca said as he wrote our ‘contract’ which was basically a list of things we promise to each other. We were in his room, one afternoon, a week before they fly to the United States. He was writing on his study table as I sat on the edge of his bed. 

“Bakit kasi kailangan nyo pa umalis? Wala na tuloy akong kaibigan.” I slumped on the floor, my back against my best friend, trying to keep myself from crying. 

He sat in front of me and held out the paper his hand was clutching. “Hindi totoo yan, Joven. Kahit umalis ako, kaibigan mo pa rin ako. Tsaka susunod ka naman dun pagkatapos mo mag high school diba? Nilagay ko pa yun dito oh.” I looked at him, a wide grin plastered on his face. I took the paper from his hand and wrote my name at the bottom of the page.

Eduardo Rusca. Growing up, I was an awkward kid. No one dared to come near weird Joven. But Rusca did and acted like I was no different from others. He embraced me and even liked the parts I hated myself. He was my only friend. His parents and mine were business partners. We grew up together, he was the only person who knew me inside out. We were inseparable until he had to leave. When he moved to US, I was devastated. I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I counted the days to high school graduation and looked forward to moving to the US for college so that I will be with my best friend again. But something happened that made a huge difference in my life. Enteng came into the picture, as well as Goyo, Julian, and suddenly high school wasn’t bad afterall. But then again, I have to fulfill my promise. 

Reaching US, I was warmly welcomed by my best friend, but he knew something in me has changed. I was glad to finally see him but living felt like a huge burden weighing me to the ground as days passed. I can’t talk to him about it which was the worst but he knew how to take the truth out from me. I thought he’d be mad or he wouldn’t understand but I was wrong. Slowly, he helped me feel myself again. We got into the same university but after my first year, I was offered a scholarship in Italy. I was torn because if I accepted the scholarship, then I would once again be leaving. But Rusca never made me feel that I have to choose, he came with me to Italy. That’s when I knew how much he loves me and he made it easy for me to realize how much I love him back. 

Italy helped me in more ways than one. It was a great place to practice and hone my art. I channeled all my emotions in everything I do. It was not long enough when I started getting recognized in the art school I was enrolled in. Then, gradually, in all of Italy. Aside from Rusca, photography and literature became my lifeline.

And now I am going back. It’s been a year since my father died. He left us with unfinished business deals, unsigned contracts, and a gaping hole in our hearts. It was the real reason why we needed to go back to the Philippines. But why is it that I cannot erase the feeling that there’s a different reason why I must set foot on the place of my birth?

I swallowed hard and tried to calm myself. Images from 10 years ago started flashing inside my head. I pushed the memories away. I could feel myself sweating despite the cold air inside the plane. I made myself comfortable and asked for a drink. I don’t usually drink but this time I would like to make an exception. I knew I wouldn’t able to sleep so I needed something to ease the tension.

After almost 14 hours, we landed in Manila. A car was already waiting for us, ready to bring us back to our house which I haven’t seen for more than a decade. As we traverse the vaguely familiar roads, I noticed that nothing has ever really changed in Manila except for the traffic which has gotten worse. When we arrived at our old house, nothing seemed to be old because everything was spotless and new. Unfamiliar faces greeted me, I tried my best to be pleasant despite the heaviness inside me. I excused myself from dinner and went straight to my room. 

I opened my phone and saw “4 voicemails received” on the screen. I set my phone straight to voicemail before leaving Italy because I don’t want to speak to anyone as of the moment. When I have settled inside my room, I listened to my voicemail. A couple of messages from Rusca, my friends in Italy, and my assistant. I opted to listen first to my assistant out of habit “Sir, this is Kiko, I was called up by a certain Mr. Antonio Luna as soon as we landed, he’s saying that he was your mentor and club adviser in high school. He was asking for an appointment with you. Sir, he was very insistent to talk to you when he found out from the local paper that you were coming back from Italy...” I didn’t let the voicemail finish and turned off my phone. I felt a jolt of panic inside me, I clutched my phone and started pacing the floor with great uneasiness. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

The next morning, I was too jetlagged to wake up from my alarm. I was awakened instead by a throbbing pain in the head so I forced myself to get up and drink something for my headache. I received a message from Kiko, I was reminded that I have to be ready in an hour for a meeting with dad’s lawyer. Sighing, I dragged myself to the shower, the gushing water somehow helped to lessen the heaviness in my head but did little to the weight in my heart.

Meeting Atty. Marcelo H. Del Pilar for the first time, I realized why my father trusted him. He has an air of formality in him but at the same time genuine warmth and geniality. After a few exchanges of pleasantries, we began to discuss my father’s will.

“Mr. Hernando, all of your father’s assets have been placed under your name as you are the only son. He has given you the freedom to do what you will. So, what would you like to do with them?”

I looked at the pile of papers in front of me. A ledger of my father’s assets and properties that he acquired years and years now rests in my hands. Coming to the Philippines, I was clueless on what to do when this time comes. But sifting through the pages of the ledger, I realized what I have to do.

“Atty. Del Pilar, I believe you knew my father. All these things he built were not for him, nor for me. He knew I would create something for myself. These are for his people, he cared for them as much as a father does to his children. This is why I would like you to help me distribute my father’s assets to different organizations that will benefit from it. I know that it’s what he would like for me to do.” a hint of smile formed on the lawyer's lips as if he knew something that I don’t. “I can see how much you are like your father, Joven. And yes, I believe that it’s what he would want. Your father must be so proud of you.” I smiled. It was easy to talk to Atty. Del Pilar. After signing all the necessary papers, I ushered him out of the office. I walked him to the elevator and as I was about to bid him goodbye someone behind me called to him, 

“Uncle? Anong ginagawa mo rito?” a familiar voice said. I stiffened as the voice sounded TOO familiar. Atty. Del Pilar gave away the name who owned the voice. 

“Goyo! I would like to introduce you to someone.” A thousand thoughts ran inside my head. I knew I couldn’t escape from this. ‘Atty. DEL PILAR. How did it not ring a bell? Fuck. How dense can you be Joven?’ I thought to myself. Without any choice, I took a breath and turned around. True enough, I was face-to-face with Gregorio “Goyo” Del Pilar. His face aghast as he laid his eyes on me, as if seeing a corpse rise from its grave.

“Putangina!” was his first word to me.


	2. The Invitation

“Joven!!” Sir Luna walked towards me, smiling from ear to ear. He squeezed me tightly. I almost forgot how intense he was. He still hasn’t changed over the years.

“Salamat sa Diyos at nagkita tayong muli” he said as he let go of me.

“Masaya rin po akong makita kayong muli. Pasensya na ho kayo hindi ako kaagad nakasagot sa imbitasyon nyo. May mga dapat ho kasi akong asikasuhin muna.”

“Wag mo nang isipin yun. Maupo ka, Jovenito.” he motioned for me to sit in front of him. We were in a restaurant in Orient Hotel which was the oldest hotel in Manila. 

“Hindi na ko magpapaligoy-ligoy pa, at alam kong abala ka. Gusto sana kitang imbitahan sa ika-75 anibersaryo ng ating paaralan upang bigyan ng parangal sa mga nakamtan mo sa larangan ng potograpiya at pagsusulat.”

I was too stunned to respond. I knew something will come up after this meeting. He was asking me to go back to my alma mater. If coming back to the Philippines was hard I couldn’t imagine going back to the place where so much of my repressed memories rest. I cleared my throat to speak, “Kailan ho ba ang selebrasyon, Sir? Hanggang sa susunod na linggo lang ho ako mananatili rito sa Pilipinas. Kailangan ko na rin ho kasing bumalik sa Italy kaagad.” I began to fiddle the edge of the table cloth lying on my lap. 

Sir Luna leaned closer on the table. “Sa darating na Sabado na iyon, Joven. Tamang-tama at narito ka pa ‘nun. Sa totoo lang, matagal na kitang gustong imbitahan kaso hindi ko alam kung papaano ko pararatingin ang mensahe ko sayo. Kaya naman nagbakasakali ako nang mabasa ko sa dyaryo na uuwi ka sa Pilipinas. Nagpapasalamat ako at nakarating ang paanyaya ko sayo.” He was looking at me straight in the eye. I could tell that he was anticipating for my answer.

I gathered my strength, but I couldn’t look at him straight so I just said, “Hindi ko pa ho alam kung makakarating ako, Sir. Marami pa ho kasi akong dapat asikasuhin, naka iskedyul na po ang mga dapat kong gawin sa mga susunod na araw.” He slumped back to his seat. I heard him sigh then nodded.

“Naiintindihan ko, Joven. Pero sana’y pag-isipan mo pa rin. Ito na rin kasi ang huling taon bago ako tuluyang magretiro sa pagtuturo at marahil ay alam mo naman na ikaw ang isa sa mga estudyante kong hinding-hindi ko malilimutan. Tunay na ipinagmamalaki ka ng institusyon at higit sa lahat, ipinagmamalaki kita.”

I choked back the tightness in my throat. I remembered how Sir Luna became my constant critic and motivator when I was the editor-in-chief of the school paper. He was the one who ignited my love for writing and for seeking the truth in everything I do.

“Makakaasa po kayo na pag-iisipan ko, Sir. Susubukan ko pong makarating sa araw na iyon.” This time, I genuinely considered coming for his sake.

“Maraming salamat, Joven. Ipapadala ko na lamang sa assistant mong si Kiko ang iba pang detalye. Sana talaga ay makapunta ka.” His eyes were filled with hope and I knew it would break his heart if I don’t come.

Inside the car, after meeting with Sir Luna, I couldn’t stop thinking about the turn of events since I came back. It all happened so fast. I was just talking to my father’s lawyer one minute, and the next thing I knew I was face to face with one of my high school best friends.

“Joven?! Ikaw ba talaga yan?” I found myself clasped in Goyo’s arms. When he let go, he grabbed my shoulders and began to look as if he was checking if I was real or not. I can’t help but smile to myself. If anything has changed in him, it was definitely how he grew even more good-looking. All this time, Atty. Del Pilar was staring at us. “So I suppose you know each other.” he said. “Uh, opo Uncle. High school tropa ko po itong si Joven. Matagal na kaming di nagkikita.” Goyo answered his confused uncle.

“So I might as well get going because you two seems to have a lot of catching up to do. I’ll see you again, Joven.” Atty. Del Pilar said as he shook my hand.

It was indeed a lot of catching up. I told him why I came back to the Philippines and how I got acquainted with his Uncle. He told me that he was already working as a general practitioner in one of the hospitals in Manila. He was in the building to visit his now fiance, Remedios, who was then his high school sweetheart. He told me that he was about to get married and he wanted me to be there. I asked about Kuya Julian and found out that he was in Dubai, working as an Engineer. Everything we talked about was well and light until he asked,

“Alam na ba ni Enteng na nakabalik ka na?” hearing his name being spoken to me felt like a punch in the gut. I shook my head. “Pwede bang huwag mo nang sabihin sa kanya, Goyo?” he was silent for a while, he sighed but nodded. “Maraming salamat. Sana maintindihan mo kung bakit.” I knew I was asking him to hide something from his best friend, but I couldn’t see any other way. 

We bid each other goodbye. He asked if I was going to attend the homecoming and 75th year celebration of our alma mater. “Hindi pa ko sigurado kung makakapunta ako, Goyo.”

“If this is about Enteng, tingin ko wala ka dapat ipag-alala. Hindi makakapunta yun kasi naka destino sya ngayon sa Zamboanga.” he said.

‘So he really went to become a soldier’. As if reading my thoughts, Goyo said, “Talagang sineryoso ni gago ang PMA, Koronel na nga pala sya ngayon.” If I was being honest, I wanted to know more about how he is doing. But I stopped myself from asking questions because I know I’m not ready to hear the answers. I gave him a half-hearted smile. “Sige, Joven, mauna na ako. Ingat ka pare. It was nice seeing you again.” we gave each other a tap in the back and left me alone in my father’s office.


	3. Catching Up

Saturday, 7 pm, Bulwagang Rizal.

It was the time and place where the homecoming and celebration of the 75th year anniversary of my alma mater will take place. I was clutching the invitation in my hands as I rode to Bulacan. The streets and landscape were unrecognizable. It was conveniently located near Manila and has become its extension. I can’t help but to feel rueful as I think about the price of progress. My hope is that the place where I spent my high school years did not change as much.

“This way, Mr. Hernando.” an usher directed me to my seat. Immediately after, I was greeted by my former teachers and batchmates. “Joven!” I turn around and saw Sir Luna with his arms stretched wide. He gave me an embrace and patted my back. “Masaya ako at nakarating ka! Sabi ko na nga ba at hindi mo ako bibiguin.” he beamed. “Masaya rin ho ako at nakarating ako ngayon. Na-miss ko ho ang lugar na ito.” I replied.

We were asked to sit on our assigned places. I was in a table with other school alumni who were to receive the award as well, but one seat was left vacant. I tried to relax a bit and asked for a drink. After all these years and numerous parties I’ve attended, I’m still jittery during social events. The master of ceremony began with her spiel. Everyone was in a celebratory mood. After the usual preliminaries all of the recipients of the award were introduced. I stood as I was called to be acknowledged.

“The last recipient of the award, who, unfortunately can’t attend tonight’s event is our very own Col. Vicente Enriquez. He is currently in Zamboanga…” the master of ceremony abruptly stopped delivering her spiel as she was approached by an usher who whispered something in her ear, she nodded and turned to the audience again.

“Tonight is a great night indeed as Colonel Vicente Enriquez is here with us to celebrate. Everyone, let us acknowledge the presence of Colonel Vicente Enriquez who came all the way from his latest mission in Zamboanga.”

Everyone was applauding as he entered the hall. There he was looking dashing in his military uniform and slicked back hair, striding on the floor, commanding attention from everyone. Memories of the night he went to our house 10 years ago, wearing a rayadillo uniform asking me to dance came flooding right back into my consciousness. I felt every bit of sensation that came with the memory. Suddenly, I was too dazed to move. I felt like running but knew that if I stand, my knees would gave away. I tried to steer from his gaze, but he was able to caught my eye. For a brief moment, I saw that he was taken aback by what he saw. But as quick as I have seen it, he was also too quick to hide it and turn away. ‘What was I thinking? Why did I come here? I was not prepared for any of this.’ As he was coming to our table, I tried to keep my face straight but could feel the heat rising to my face. ‘Why the hell does he have to look this good? Shit.’ I drank the remaining liquid inside my glass as he sat on the vacant seat in front of me. He greeted everyone in the table, flashing his million watt smile which brought a once familiar sensation inside me. I found it hard to meet his gaze so I just nodded when he looked and immediately turn to face the stage. I was cursing under my breath. I got more and more tensed, I couldn’t think straight. I just want to disappear. 

Sir Antonio Luna came to the stage to call on the recipient of the awards. “Ikinagagalak kong lubos ang pagdating ng isa sa mga ipinagmamalaki kong estudyante sa gabing ito. Naipakita niya ang kahusayan sa larangan ng pagsusulat at potograpiya hindi lamang dito sa Pilipinas kundi sa buong mundo. Mula pa sa Italya, pasalubungan natin ng masigabong palakpakan si Ginoong Joven Hernando!” As I stood and walk to the stage, I felt that all eyes are on me, including Enteng’s. The thought made me even more conscious. I was given a plaque and was told to give a few words. I racked my brain but all I could think of is how I wanted to vanish and wake up from this nightmare. I felt a little light headed so I held onto the podium and stood with my two feet planted firmly on the ground. “I.. uhm.. I would like to thank my dear alma mater for recognizing my contribution to the arts but honestly, the privilege of having given this award is mine. The reason I’m here accepting this recognition is also because of what this school has taught me. I couldn’t be more grateful for the experiences and lessons which I’ve held on to as I..” I choked back the words when I saw Enteng’s steely gaze directed at me. “..I left the country ten years ago.. Being away for a long time made me realize that there are some things one can’t just simply forget. Again, thank you very much.”

I left the podium and sat on my seat without looking at the people around me, especially not Enteng. He was called up to the stage and as he walked I couldn’t help but to admire what has become of him despite the sinking feeling in my gut. As he received his plaque, Sir Luna saluted at him so he did the same. He was also asked to give his speech. “Unang-una, gusto kong magpasalamat sa Diyos dahil nakarating tayong lahat sa sandaling ito. Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung papalagpasin ko ang pagkakataon na magbigay pugay sa institusyon na naging isa sa mga dahilan kung sino ako ngayon. Hanggang ngayon dala ko pa rin ang mga natutunan ko sa pamamalagi ko sa paaralang ito sa loob ng apat na taon. Iyon ay ang pagiging matatag sa kahit anong laban. May mga taong iiwan ka ngunit hawakan mo ang mga taong piniling manatili sa tabi mo.” I knew that the words he uttered were directed at me. I felt every sharp blow coming from his lips. I didn’t realize I was clenching my fist until the waiter asked me if I would like a refill. I agreed and let him fill my glass to the brim. If I were to stay here a little more, I needed more drink.

As the night wore on, more people approached me and asked me about my work in Italy. Goyo appeared with his fiance, Remedios. “Pare, I’m so glad you came. Uh... sorry about Enteng. Di ko talaga inaasahan na makakarating sya. Hindi nya rin ako sinabihan na makakahabol pala sya” I can sense that he was telling the truth so I shook my head, “Wag ka mag alala tungkol dun. Gusto ko rin naman talaga pumunta, para kay Sir Luna at sa school.”

“Oo nga pala, si Remedios, fiancé ko na sa wakas.” he said as he winked at me.

“Naalala mo pa ba ako, Joven?” she acted unsure as she asked. I can’t help but to chuckle because I remembered how we spent a lot of time together in the school paper headquarters editing, revising all the while ranting about how Goyo would pester her everyday. 

“Oo naman. Ate Remy naman, oh.” I replied.

“Nagbibiro lang ako, Jovenito.” she came closer and placed his cheek on mine. I forgot how beautiful Ate Remedios is especially tonight as she was wearing a modernized red terno. I feel myself blush.

“Congrats nga pala sa engagement nyo. Kelan na nga ba ang kasal?” I asked.

“About that… Joven, I hope you consider kasi the wedding will be a week from now but our photographer backed out the last minute. Maybe you could help us out?”his eyes pleading, his toothless grin known to charm anyone. Goyo can really be persuasive when he wanted to. I found it amusing that he’s trying to use it on me.

“I’m actually leaving next week for Italy. I need to be back pero I’ll see what I can do.”

“Ha? So you mean to say hindi ka makakapunta sa kasal namin? Hindi rin sigurado kung makakauwi si kuya from Dubai tapos di ka pa rin makakapunta?” his face suddenly shifted from puppy eyed to a startled dog.

“Oo nga, Joven. It’s been so long since we last saw you. You know how much we want you to be there.” Ate Remedios held my hand as she pleaded.

“Ano ba yan, dalawa pa kayo. Sige, titingnan ko kung may magagawa ako sa iskedyul ko pero di pa rin ako makakapangako.”

“Salamat pare.” Goyo flashed his infamous smile.

“Wala yun. Kayo pa bang dalawa.” I felt slightly dizzy from all the drinks I had so I said, “Tingin ko kailangan ko na umalis pag nagpatuloy pa to baka di na ko makapagpaalam kay Sir Luna.”

“Hanggang ngayon umaalis ka pa rin pala nang hindi nagpapaalam.” I looked behind me and there he was holding a drink in one hand, standing a few steps away. His face was smug and unreadable. Goyo must have felt the tension so he blurted, 

“Enteng! Di mo sinabi sakin na makakarating ka!” Goyo exclaimed as he approached his best friend. They gave each other a hug. “Maiwan ko muna kayo dyan may kailangan lang akong kausapin.” I said as I turn my back against them and walked away. I was trying not to feel hurt but his remark stings right where it should. I stood away from most of the crowd and out of Enteng’s sight when someone called out to me. “Joven, kumusta na?” I found myself looking at Paco who has become brusquer and more intimidating. “Paco? Hindi kita halos nakilala. Kumusta na?” he shook my hand and patted my back. We were talking when I caught Enteng eyeing us from where he is. I acted as if I didn’t see it and continued my conversation with Paco.

At the end of the night, I was drunk more than I was willing to admit. I decided to call my driver but couldn’t find my phone. I found Ate Remy and asked if I could borrow her phone. “Joven, tingin ko hindi mo na kakayanin bumyahe ng malayo.” She called Goyo. “Mahal, mukhang kailangan na magpahinga ni Joven. Gusto niya pang bumalik ng Maynila.” I was trying hard to keep myself from falling but I could feel the bile rising to my mouth. I ran to the nearest men’s room and threw up. I heard footsteps coming inside the cubicle where I am in. It felt like the world was spinning and I can’t do anything about it. I was becoming more nauseous by the minute and too weak to move. I felt someone taking my arms in his shoulders and hauling me out of the restroom but I couldn’t see clearly as my glasses were set crookedly on my face. My eyes were blacking out, I tried keeping it open but failed miserably.


	4. The Nuisance

I woke up feeling worse than the day after I arrived in the Philippines. I could taste the acid on my mouth. My throat felt raspy and dry. I was even more confused when I realized that I’m not in my room. The room was rather simplistic and monochromatic, as if the owner has just recently moved in. I was wearing a clean white shirt which I don’t recognize. ‘Someone dressed me up with a new shirt?’ I panicked. I wore my glasses and got out of bed, then went outside the room. I was immediately welcomed by the strong aroma of coffee lingering in the air. I went downstairs and prayed that no one was there so I could sneak outside. “Gising ka na pala. Magkape ka muna.” I swallowed hard when I saw Enteng wearing only a white sleeveless shirt, boxer shorts, and apron while frying bacon and eggs. I cleared my throat to speak, “Hindi na…uuwi na ko. Salamat na lang.” I was looking for my shoes frantically but I can’t find it anywhere. “Nasukahan mo yung sapatos mo tsaka yung damit mo kagabi. Pinalinis ko muna.” I wanted so bad to be swallowed by the ground I was standing on. I feel myself flush with embarrassment. “Pasensya ka na, Enteng.” was all I could muster to say. “Umupo ka na, mag-almusal muna tayo. Pagkatapos, sasamahan kita sa bayan para makabili ka nang maayos na damit at sapatos. Ihahatid na rin kita sa terminal ng bus para makauwi ka na sa inyo.” I knew he was sincere but I couldn’t help to feel like I was a huge inconvenience to him and he was just forced to do something about it. I did what I was told and sat on the other end of the table. He gave me a cup of coffee and some pandesal. I took the hot liquid to my lips and sipped. The awkward silence lingered between us. I felt obliged to speak so I asked. “Ano bang nangyari kagabi? Pasensya ka na talaga, wala akong maalala.” He swallowed the pandesal he was eating to speak, “Lasing na lasing ka kagabi. Nanghingi si Goyo ng tulong kasi hindi ka naman nila pwedeng isama sa kanila kaya ako na lang nag-uwi sayo.” The feeling of being an inconvenience to him was validated by his words but I tried not to look hurt. “Nasukahan ko kamo yung damit ko, so kanino ‘tong suot ko?” In that instant, I realized that I should’ve not asked about it. “Sa akin ‘yang suot mo.” He said casually. I tried to play it cool and not think about the fact that he was actually the one who dressed me. I suddenly felt even more conscious so I averted my face from him.

“Hindi ko alam, malakas ka na pala uminom ngayon. Dati ni ayaw mong tumikim ng beer.” I let his sarcastic remark linger, mockery was apparent in his tone. I tried very hard not to respond. “Pero ang laki na nga talaga ng pinagbago mo. Iba talaga siguro sa ibang bansa. Ilang taon ka na nga dun?” he asked.

“10 years” I quietly replied. 

“Tagal na pala no. Parang kelan lang grumadweyt tayo ng high school, ngayon sikat ka na, na dya-dyaryo ka pa. Siguro ang saya mo na sa Italy ngayon no. Ang dami mo na rin sigurong nagawang photo exhibit tapos nakapaglibot ka na sa buong mundo tsaka nagawa mo na lahat ng gusto mo.” I don’t know where he is going with this but it felt like he was trying to make me feel guilty. 

“Hindi lang naman yun ang mga nangyari sakin...marami ka nang hindi alam, Enteng.” I retorted. 

“Malamang, iniwan mo ko eh.” He looked at me dead straight in the eyes and that’s when I snapped. 

“Alam ko Enteng na hanggang ngayon hindi mo pa rin ako napapatawad kahit sampung taon na ang nakakalipas. Pero sana naman maintindihan mo na hindi rin naging madali sa akin na gawin yon!” He leaned his elbows on the table and scoffed,

“Mukha ngang hirap na hirap ka eh.” I stood up and felt the tightness inside me explode. 

“Wala kang karapatang iparamdam sakin na ikaw lang ang nahirapan sa nangyari! You don’t know what I’ve been through for the last ten years. I felt like dying was the better option when I left the Philippines, when I left you!”

“Ah ganon? So gusto mong mag bilangan? Para malaman mo, Joven, namatay si tatay isang taon pagkatapos mo ko iwan; muntik na kong lumabas sa PMA dahil dun. Nagkasakit si nanay pagkaraan tapos naghiwa-hiwalay kami ng mga kapatid ko kasi hindi kami kayang buhayin mag-isa ni nanay; namatay si Kuya Anacleto sa bakbakan. Lahat ng ‘yun hinarap ko mag-isa dahil wala ka! Gustong-gusto kitang makita, makausap, pero hindi ko alam pano. Sige! ngayon mo sabihin mo sakin na mas nahirapan ka!” 

Enteng was crying now. He wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffed. He buried his face on his hands. I could feel my own tears flowing to my cheeks. I don’t know what to tell him so I went over to his side and stroked his back. “I’m so sorry, Enteng. I’m so so sorry I wasn’t there.” I knelt beside him and cried with him. But he stood and went upstairs to his room, shutting the door behind him. 

I was left feeling worse than I’ve ever felt before. Knowing what he had been through and not being there for him hurts ten times more than it ever did before. 

It was raining hard outside, as if the skies were feeling the same way we do. It was almost 4 in the afternoon when Enteng went out of his room. His eyes were puffed although I’m not sure if it was from crying or he fell asleep or both. I don’t know what to do so I said, “Hindi ko alam kung pano ko aalis, ang lakas pa ng ulan. Ayoko namang umalis na naman ng hindi nagpapaalam, kaya nandito pa rin ako.” I didn’t expect it but he snickered and replied, “May bagyo pala ngayon. Tumawag na rin ako sa terminal ng bus cancelled daw lahat ng byahe kasi baha na sa expressway kaya hindi ka rin makakauwi. Bukas ka na umuwi, may mga ekstrang damit pa naman ako dyan na hindi ko pa nagagamit ipapagamit ko na lang sayo.” I did not reply because I knew I had no choice. So, I just borrowed his phone and called Kiko and told my assistant that I was stranded in Bulacan. I told him that I will be back first thing tomorrow morning.

“Wala na palang pagkain sa ref. Kakarating ko lang kasi kaya di pa ko nakakapamalengke. Lalabas na lang ako para bumili. May gusto ka bang kainin?” I was surprised by how casual he suddenly became, as if nothing happened between us just a few hours ago.

“Wala akong maisip ngayon. Kung ano na lang yung mabibili mo.” I said. He nodded and went to the door. I heard the engine revved and soon his car was out of the driveway.

After half an hour, he was back and I was surprised that he didn’t bought fast food. All the food I haven’t eaten for a while was right in front of me: beef pares, mami, isaw, balot, kwek-kwek, and my favorite ensaymada. My stomach growled upon seeing the food, that’s when I realized how famished I was. We ate, and I could feel him staring at me as I munch on the food. “Matagal ka nang di nakakakain nyan no?” With my mouth full, I couldn’t answer him so I just nodded. He chuckled and said, “Binili ko talaga yan kasi alam ko na-miss mo yan. Malamang puro pasta at pizza pinagkakakain mo dun sa Italy.” I swallowed the remaining kwek-kwek in my mouth and drank water before telling him, “Nilulutuan pa rin naman ako ni Mama ng adobo, kare-kare, tinola pero yung mga ganito, eto talaga yung hindi ko nakakain dun. Salamat ah.” he smiled at me and it was the first genuine smile he ever gave me since we meet again. I was reminded by how beautiful his smile was and still is. A crinkle in his eyes form, his perfectly aligned teeth made it more beautiful. I could feel my insides melt. But his face suddenly fell serious when he said, “Gusto ko sana manghingi ng tawad sa mga sinabi ko sayo kanina. Alam kong hindi tama na isisi ko sa’yo yung mga nangyari noon at yung wala ka nung mga panahon na kinailangan kita.” I shook my head and said, “Di kita masisisi, Enteng. Sana balang araw mapatawad mo rin ako.” he look down on his plate. “Ang totoo nyan, napatawad na kita, matagal na. Hindi ko naman kayang magalit sayo ng matagal. Nasaktan lang siguro ako kasi akala ko balewala lang sayo lahat ng nangyari.” I shook my head lightly and said, “Lahat ng nangyari at pinagdaanan natin, Enteng, lahat yun nasa puso ko pa rin hanggang ngayon.” We were looking at each other and shared a quiet smile. It was enough, we both know now that the worst is over. 

As night came, the winds and rain have become more furious. But it did little to stop us from talking about the things we longed to tell each other. He said that he just recently bought the house because he wanted to have something for himself. Yet, whenever he comes back from deployment, he’d rather stay at his parent’s house to be with his mother and siblings .He told me about all his experience in PMA and his first combat. I told him about my experiences in Italy. He asked me to translate random words in Italian. I asked him about his most profound experience in the military so far.

It was already 1 in the morning when we realized how late it was. We were talking for hours. Oh, how I’ve missed talking to him like this. We walked upstairs and before I could enter the room Enteng called to me, “Buona notte, Joven.” He smiled so I return the gesture and replied, “Buona notte, Enteng” I closed the door behind me as my heart beats unsteadily.


	5. Back Together

“I lost my phone and got stranded in a storm while I was at my friend’s place in Bulacan that’s why I wasn’t able to call you. I’m sorry, please understand.” I explained to Rusca what happened the previous days when I finally got back to Manila. “So, when are you coming back?” I didn’t answer immediately. I was thinking of attending Goyo’s wedding so I said, “I won’t be able to go back as planned because I need to attend some more important matters here.” Rusca was never really the probing or clingy type which made me wonder why he was all of a sudden very concerned. “But I really miss you, Il mio.” I smiled to myself. “I miss you too. I’ll be back soon, Okay?” As soon as we hung up, I dialed Goyo’s number and told him I will be attending his wedding.

I packed my things and asked Kiko to accompany me as I will be taking photos during the wedding. We head straight to Dagupan where the ceremony will be taking place. We were welcomed by Goyo when we arrived at the beach hotel where we will be staying along with other guests. “Salamat at nakarating kayo, Joven!” I introduced Kiko to Goyo. Judging by the look on Kiko’s face, he was also enamored by Goyo. After they shook hands, I heard him say, “Kanina ka pa hinihintay ni Enteng.”

“Ha?” I asked to confirm if what I heard was right. “Ah wala, ang sabi ko kanina pa nakarating si Enteng. Naghihintay lang sya dun sa may tabi ng swimming pool.”

“Ah. Okay. Dadalhin muna namin yung mga gamit namin sa kwarto.” Goyo called someone to help us with our bags and equipment.

Kiko stayed in the room to rest while I set out to look around and find specific spots I could use for the photoshoot so I brought my camera with me. The hotel was overlooking the vast blue sea, the crashing waves and clear blue sky was picturesque. I started taking pictures from the second-floor balcony. I was setting my sights to other potential location when my camera caught Enteng, who was seated by the pool, reading a book. He was engrossed with what he’s reading which made his brow scrunch, giving him an intense look. Before I could stop myself, I was already taking photos of him.

I was alarmed when someone asked what I was doing. I turn to face the person asking me and instinctively hid my camera. “Kuya Julian?” he looked as surprise as I was. 

“Joven?! Jovenito!!” he clasped me in his arms.

“Putcha ilang taon na nga tayong di nagkikita? Kumusta ka na? Ang laki-laki mo na! Pero mas malaki pa rin ako sa’yo. Nag g-gym ka ba? Ang laki na ng katawan mo ngayon di ka na patpatin gaya nung high school tayo pero baby-face ka pa rin. Anong skin care routine mo? Ang kinis mo. Huy, magsalita ka naman.” I cackled as he stood in front of me blabbering. 

“Okay naman ako, Julian. Akala ko hindi ka makakarating?” 

“Ssshhh.. wag ka maingay. Hindi alam ni Goyo na nandito na ko. Mamaya ko pa sya sosorpresahin. Nasaan na nga ba si Goyo? Si Enteng nakita mo?” at the mention of Enteng’s name he became silent and uneasy. 

“Okay lang Julian, nakapag-usap na kami ni Enteng.” He let out a sigh of relief. “Hay salamat naman.” He placed his right arm over my shoulder and said, 

“Tara, Jovenito, oras na para mabuo ulit ang Aguila squad”

We found Goyo and Enteng in the hotel lobby. When Goyo saw his older brother, his eyes widened and shouted “Kuya!”. He ran towards his brother, making all eyes in the lobby turn to him. They hugged for a while. Enteng’s eyes were on me so I smiled at him. He looked crisp in white shorts and light blue polo shirt. He walked towards us. Then without any warning, Julian enveloped Goyo, Enteng, and I in his arms. I was too close to Enteng I could smell his cologne. I felt even more uneasy when our face almost touched so I writhed myself out of Julian’s grasp. “Guys! The Aguila Squad is back!” Julian exclaimed. Despite how ridiculous we must look to the people around us, I felt unconcerned because I was once again, in the company of my beloved friends. 

That night, Julian demanded that we drink to celebrate Goyo’s last night as a bachelor. We went to a nearby bar situated near the shore. There were no chairs, patrons sat on the rugs spread out on the sand. We chose a spot near the makeshift stage where live acts perform. The bar wasn’t as packed as I expected. The setting made me remember the night at the beach where Enteng almost kissed me. I shook the thought away and sip my beer instead. The performer on stage was singing a popular tune way back when we were in high school which didn’t help either. The four of us talked and laughed all night, not realizing that it was way past midnight. I was feeling a little light-headed but I made sure that I can manage and not throw up in front of Enteng again. By the time we head back to the hotel, Goyo and Julian cannot walk straight anymore so Enteng and I helped them to their respective rooms. When they have settled, we made our way to our own rooms. Enteng’s was three doors from mine. I looked for my key card but I cannot find it. Then I remembered that it was with Kiko and I don’t have any spare. I knocked on the door but no one is coming to the door. Sensing my distress, Enteng asked “Anong problema, Joven?” I hesitated for a moment before I told him that my key card wasn’t with me so I can’t get in my room. “Gusto mo ba dito ka na lang matulog sa kwarto ko?”

I shook my head and immediately refused. “Ay hindi na. Hintayin ko na lang bumalik si Kiko.” 

“Sigurado ka? Maaga pa kasi ang call time bukas… I mean, mamaya na pala yun. Kailangan mo na rin magpahinga, kukuha ka pa ng retrato ‘di ba?” I can’t believe that I was actually considering his offer. He has a solid point and knowing Enteng, he wouldn’t let me be alone in the hallway, so I agreed. I walked inside and found that there was only one bed. He took a blanket and a pillow and started laying the blanket on the floor. “

Anong ginagawa mo, Enteng? Bakit ikaw pa ang matutulog dyan sa baba?” I was taking the blanket from him but he wouldn’t give me. “Dyan ka na sa kama. Dito na lang ako sa baba. Sanay naman akong natutulog sa lapag. Minsan nga wala pang unan, lalo na pag sa kagubatan kami abutan ng antok.”

“Naku hindi pwede. Kung hindi ka matutulog sa kama, hindi na rin ako matutulog.” He was looking at me with a bemused expression on his face. 

“Okay… O sige, dito na ko sa kabilang dulo. Dyan ka na sa kabila.” He laid on his side of the bed and so did I. I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling inside me, knowing that he is just inches away from me. I tried not to think about it and forced myself to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up with Enteng’s face inches away from mine. My initial reaction was to veer away but his right leg was on top of my left and if I abruptly move my leg he will surely wake. I was thinking what to do about it but I was distracted by how good he looked even when asleep. He looked so calm and peaceful, which reminded me of the Enteng I used to know 10 years ago. My eyes wandered, looking at the slight creases on his forehead, the bridge of his nose, his long lashes, but it stayed longer on his lips and wondered how it feels to take it into mine once again. I scolded myself for thinking about it. So what I did was to gently free my leg from his and got out of bed. I wrote him a note to thank him for letting me stay in his room for the night. I carefully walked out of his room and gently closed the door.


	6. Breakeven

The wedding took place in one of the oldest churches in Dagupan. Ate Remy’s family, the Nable Jose’s were prominent in the region. Their wedding was well attended and some of our batchmates were present as well. I took pictures of the ceremony and asked Kiko to set up the video. 

During the wedding reception, Julian and Enteng gave their respective toasts for Goyo and Remedios. For their first dance, a melodious rendition of Bato sa Buhangin played on the background. I remembered the time Enteng and I swayed our bodies to the tune of the song. I glanced at Enteng’s direction and he was already looking at me. I feel myself blush but I couldn’t look away. Only when Kiko came to my side was I able to turn away from Enteng’s gaze. 

By the end of the reception, I was spent. I needed time to be on my own so I told Kiko that I will be taking a walk. The breeze was light. The sun was about to set, making the sky turn into a mixture of soft orange and purple. I filled my lungs with the salty sea breeze and stared at the sun as it slowly disappeared. “Ang ganda ng dapithapon diba.” I turn and saw Enteng behind me. He came closer so that we’re standing beside each other. “Pinakapaborito kong oras sa buong maghapon.” I replied. The sun disappeared and the first traces of the night appears. We walked along the shore quietly. It was a comfortable silence, similar to what we’ve shared countless times before. “Alam mo ba yung kwento ni Arao at Buan?” Enteng asked, putting his one hand inside his pocket. “Hindi ko na masyado maalala. Bakit?” I asked. 

“Naalala ko kasi nung kinuwento mo sakin yung istorya ni Orion. Tingin ko kasi mas nakakalungkot ang kwento ni Arao at Buan. He began telling how Arao and Buan loved each other but could not be together because of Diwata. The deity knew that Arao and Buan cannot be together as it would ensue chaos to the world so she separated the two forever. 

“Bakit mo sinasabi sakin ‘to, Enteng?” 

He took my hands and gently squeezed it. “Joven, hindi tayo si Arao at Buan. Kaya natin magsama kung gugustuhin natin.” his eyes were pleading, even hopeful. I freed my hands from his grasps. 

“Naiintindihan mo ba ang sinasabi mo, Vicente? Sampung taon na tayong hiwalay.” He took offense with my response. His eyes turned glassy with tears threatening to spill.

“Oo! Sampung taon na pero mahal pa rin kita! Walang araw sa sampung taon na iyon na hindi kita naisip!” He choked back the sobs as he purged all his feelings. Tears found its way out of my own eyes. “Kahit na nasa gitna ako ng bakbakan, pangalan mo pa rin ang sinasabi ko. Pinapanalangin ko sa Diyos na wag akong mamatay dahil ayokong mamatay na hindi ko man lang naipaglaban ang pagmamahal ko sayo, Joven!” He knelt in front of me, “Kaya eto ako ngayon sa harap mo nagsusumamo na tanggapin mo ulit ako. Alam ko, Joven, nararamdaman ko na may pagmamahal ka pa rin sakin.”

I tried pulling him up but he wouldn’t budge so I did the same knelt in front of him. I brushed the tears rolling on his cheeks. “Totoo ngang may natitira pa rin akong pagmamahal sa’yo hanggang ngayon, Enteng… alam kong kahit kailan ay hindi mawawala iyon..” I stopped, trying to look for the right words to say. “Pero... hindi.. hindi ko kayang iwan ang buhay ko roon at muling sumugal sa ating dalawa. Iba na ang sitwasyon natin ngayon. May kanya-kanya na tayong responsibilidad at gampanin hindi lang para sa sarili natin pati na rin sa mga taong mahalaga sa ’tin.” 

His body trembled as gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest. I wanted to comfort him but I know I’m not capable of doing that. “Pasensya ka na, Enteng, pero di ko kayang ibigay ang hinihingi mo. Babalik na ko sa Italy sa makalawa. Patawarin mo ko at hindi ko kaagad nasabi sayo pero may naghihintay sa akin sa pagbalik ko.” I embraced him one last time and planted a kiss on his head before leaving.


	7. The Broken

Rusca was waiting for me at the arrival area at Milan Malpensa airport, I saw him waving at me. I walked towards him. “I’ve missed you so much, Il mio!” Rusca enveloped me in his arms and gently kissed my lips. I smiled and muttered “I’ve missed you too.” Sensing that I was troubled he asked me, 

“Are you alright?” he looked at me in the eye as he gripped both my arms. 

“Yes, I’m fine. Pagod lang sa byahe.” I lied. He took my suitcase and we started walking, his arms draped around me. 

“Oh, well, then let’s go home, il mio.” he said.

3 weeks since I came back to Italy and I still can’t get the image of Vicente that night on the beach out of my head. His words kept haunting me like a ghost, making its way even in my sleep. I wasn’t feeling myself. It was as if I’m in trance and it was all I could ever think about. I tried getting back to work but I couldn’t finish anything. It was hard to keep a straight face around people, but it was harder to fake it in front of Rusca. He knew me better than anybody else. It wasn’t long since he confronted me about it. We were having dinner but there was only silence between us. 

“Il mio, I know something is wrong. I want you to be honest with me. Tell me, please.” he put his fork down and reach to hold my hand. I looked at his hands then at him. His eyes were sad, reflecting what I feel inside. I wanted to be honest with him but I don’t want to hurt him. And even if I wanted to tell him, I don’t know how and where to start. 

“Is this about your former love, Vicente?” I swallowed hard. At the mention of Enteng’s name, I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent myself from tearing up. I looked away from Rusca’s eyes. 

“Joven, huli kitang nakitang ganyan ay noong una kang dumating sa Amerika. Alam ko na puno ng lungkot ang puso mo noon. Sinubukan kong tanggalin ang lungkot na yun. May mga araw na napapaniwala ko ang sarili ko na naalis na iyon sa puso mo. But as days passed, I knew that no matter what I do, I couldn’t take that sadness away from you. Because the sadness you are feeling is actually longing… longing for someone who isn’t me. So what can I do?” 

Hearing it from him was heartbreaking, he deserves so much more than I could ever give. The truth came out and so as my tears. “I’m so sorry…I don't deserve you nor Vicente. All I ever do is to hurt the people who truly loves me.” I couldn’t face him, I buried my face into my hands as waves of crashing guilt wash over me. 

“You never hurt me, Joven. You actually made me feel and do things I never thought I was capable of. All these years, I know that your love for me is true. But I also know that if we stayed like this, if you keep on pretending that your heart is here, we will hurt each other eventually. I don't want to wake up one day regretting everything we've shared. This is why I’m giving you what you need. I love you too much to see you like this.” he came to me and wrapped his arms around my quivering body.

I moved out of Rusca’s apartment the morning after we broke up. It was the toughest thing I have to do but I knew that Rusca was right. I may have lost a lover, but he made me feel that I didn’t lose my best friend. 

I immediately called Kiko to book me a flight to Manila. I wanted to see Enteng. No. I needed to see him. I looked at my watch, it’s 2:00 in the morning in the Philippines but I knew I have no time to waste so I called Goyo. He would know where I can find Enteng. After 3 calls, he still wasn’t picking up. I hurriedly packed my suitcase with whatever I could find in my closet and headed straight to the airport. The anxiety inside me didn’t die down despite settling myself inside the plane. It grew even more with every passing minute. All I wanted was to see Enteng but I was clueless as to where I can find him. ‘Gago ka kasi iniwan mo tapos ngayon babalik-balik ka’ I scolded myself. I tried hard to remember the conversation we had for any information I can get about where he could be but couldn’t remember anything. If it comes to it, I would unhesitantly scour the whole Philippines just to see him again. 

There wasn't a single second I wasted since we landed in Manila. I was fueled with adrenaline and the desire to tell Enteng that I came back for him. At once, I went to see Goyo to where he was working. I don’t know if he was on duty but it was the only place I can think of to find him. When I arrived, I went to the information desk and asked for him. I was told that he was on duty. I dialled his number and after a while he picked up. 

“Hello? Who’s this?” his voice was slightly annoyed. 

“Goyo, si Joven to. I’m so sorry to bother you pero nandito ko ngayon sa Manila. I need to see Enteng. Alam mo ba kung nasan sya?” 

It took him a long time to respond so I said, “Hello? Goyo?” 

“Ahh.. ano.. Joven.. I’ll be off duty in a few minutes. Can we meet? Nasan ka?” 

I told him where I was. He asked to meet me in a coffee shop near the hospital. I don’t know why but Goyo sounded worried. I waited for him and looked at the door every now and then to see if it was him coming inside. I waved at him as he walked in, he smiled at me but he looked nervous. 

“Kelan ka pa nakabalik?” he asked as he settled on the seat in front of me.

“I just arrived this morning.” I replied. “Nasan ba ngayon si Enteng? Alam ko nakwento nya sa’yo yung nangyari. I realized that I still love him and it was idiotic for me to leave him again. Kaya ako bumalik.” Goyo was silent. I expected him to sense the urgency in my voice but the look in his eyes and somber demeanor was something I didn't expect. It was as if he was hesitating to tell me where Enteng is. 

“Joven… something happened. I think it’s better if you see for yourself.”


	8. Last Hope

He was lying in bed, unconscious. His head was wrapped in a bandage. The tubes connecting him from a couple of machines inside the small room and the bruises made him unrecognizable. He has cuts and grazes all over his face and arms. A groan of anguish escaped from my lips at the sight of him. We were outside the intensive care unit peering from the small window, looking at Enteng's limp body. Goyo held my shoulder and tried to comfort me but I knew that he needed it as much as I do. 

“A-anong nangyari? P-pano?” It was all I could muster to ask. 

”The week after my wedding he requested to be deployed already. He was sent to Cotabato tapos may naka engkwentro sila dun isang linggo pagkarating nya dun. He sustained head injury, shrapnel wounds, broken ribs. He has been unconscious for 2 weeks now, Joven.” 

I have never despise myself as much as I do right now. All I could ever think of was how I brought this upon him. If it were not for me he would not have returned immediately to service. Slumping to the ground, I let my glasses fall to the white linoleum floor. Bouts of sorrow and regret filled my entirety as I was crushed into thousand little pieces. My body shivered as I bawl in agony over the realization that I could never love Enteng even if I wanted to. All I managed to give him throughout the years were hurt and suffering while all he has done was to love me. He rescued me from the nothingness I felt at the time when I was all alone. He turned my senseless existence into a life filled with meaning and showed me that I could be loved. 

“Kasalanan ko 'to! Tangina kasalanan ko talaga 'to!” 

“Sshh..hindi Joven huwag mong sabihin yan. Alam ni Enteng na kasama ito sa pinili niyang landas. Kaya wag mong sisihin ang sarili mo.” Goyo said as he sat beside me, rubbing my back. 

“Pero kung hindi ko siya iniwan hindi nya maiisipan na bumalik agad. Hindi sana mangyayari 'to sa kanya.” 

Goyo wasn't able to respond, his silence validating the truth. 

Weeks passed but there was no sign of Enteng waking up. The doctors seemed oblivious about his condition. Goyo was hopeful, but I feel that he knows more than he let on how critical Enteng’s condition is. I don’t know if he was doing it for me or more for himself. After all, he is Enteng’s best friend. 

But they say that the only thing stronger than fear is hope. I promise myself to cling on to that hope. Which is why each day I would read to him, talk to him, hold his hand while praying to God that he wakes up. 

One afternoon, Enteng's mother came to visit just as I was reading to him. I greeted her and kissed her hand. She seemed to examine my face for a while before realizing who I was. 

“Joven, hijo? Ikaw na ba yan?” her hoarse voice and welcoming smile greeted me. “Oho, Mrs. Enriquez.” I smiled back. “Ang tagal na panahon na nating di nagkikita. Kumusta ka na?” she asked. “Mabuti naman po. Masaya po ako at nagkita muli tayo kahit na sa hindi kagandahang pagkakataon.” I sighed. She looked at me, despite the weariness brought about by her age, I realized that Enteng has his mother’s eyes. They were expressive and magnetic. We went out of the room and sat on the chairs situated near the nurses’ station. 

“Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari sa inyo ni Enteng. At hindi mo rin kailangan pang ipaliwanag sa akin, Joven.” she enveloped my hands in her palms. “Pero ito lang ang masisigurado ko, mahal na mahal ka ni Enteng.” I was making an effort not to let the tears roll down my face but her words resonated loudly in my heart. “Sa mga taong nakalipas, nakita ko kung pano sinubukan ni Enteng na kalimutan ka, isinubsob nya ang sarili sa serbisyo, halos hindi na siya umuuwi sa amin. Kaya naman ang makita kita rito ay napakasaya para sakin dahil ngayon alam ko na ganun pa rin ang nararamdaman mo para sa anak ko. Hindi nabalewala ang pag-ibig ni Enteng sa'yo. Salamat, Joven, anak.” It was the most comforting words I have ever heard in a long time. The kindness in her voice and the sincerity in her eyes warmed my heart. I don't even know how to respond. She reached and placed her arms around me and I did the same. 

A sudden rush of nurses from their station alerted me and Mrs. Enriquez from our quiet moment. They headed to where Enteng was. Panic ran through me as I stood and ran to his room. There were nurses and doctors inside the room, frantically operating an apparatus, a beeping sound on Enteng's heart monitor signalling his failing heart beat. My mouth still agape, my heart racing and my stomach churning, I wanted to hold Enteng but the nurses wouldn't let me near him. I called to him and shouted his name over and over hoping that he would heed my call. I prayed and prayed until I can no longer form words, only uninhibited screams of misery and ineludible loss outpouring from my core.


	9. Epilogue

I watch as people around the Trevi fountain threw coins into the infamous tourist attraction. They say that if you throw a coin into the fountain with your right hand it will ensure that you'll return to Rome. The next coin you throw would ensure you a new romance, and the last coin would ensure marriage. With the amount of coins found in the fountain, one can conclude that many people hoped to have all those things. But as for me, I only hoped for one thing: contentment. 

As I stood a few feet away from the majestic fountain, I can see the people around me with their dangling smiles, bright eyes, and awe-filled faces. And despite having been to the fountain countless times, I am still captivated by its beauty and tonight is no different. The lights illuminated the clear water and formed shadows that highlighted the centuries old sculptures. In my heart I knew that I will always go back to Italy. The place holds a tight grip in my soul. There was no question in me that it is also my home away from home. And after what happened to Enteng a year ago, I knew that looking at life with brand new eyes in a familiar and comforting place seems to be the best thing to do. 

Being a year away from that harrowing day did not guarantee freedom from it. I could feel my gut wrenching as the memory came back. It was excruciating to see the person you love fight for his dear life. I knew that I couldn’t easily let go of the memory and the anguish the goes with it. 

“Mahal! Parang awa mo na, gumising ka!” I screamed at the lifeless body of Enteng. “Mahal… mahal…mahal...” I said over and over again while rocking his body to consciousness. 

“Mahal.”

I was brought back to the present. I turn to where the voice came from. 

There are times when I need to stop myself and look at him for a minute or so just to be sure that he’s real. He walked towards me, holding two cups of gelato. 

“Mahal, ang lalim na naman ng iniisip mo. Bumili lang ako ng gelato pagbalik ko parang pasan mo na naman ang daigdig. Oh..” he gave me one of the cups he was holding. I sighed and took the cup from him. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around him. I pressed my body against his and buried my face on the side of his neck. “Gusto ko lang makasiguro na totoong kasama kita.” I said. 

“Dito lang ako, mahal.” Enteng said as he pulled away. He cupped my face and planted a kiss on my lips. 

“Di na tayo maghihiwalay ulit” he said. I locked my arms around his neck and pressed my lips onto his and kissed him without any care in the world. When we part, we were both smiling. 

Right then, I knew that I don’t need to make wishes.

He’s real. And he’s with me.

This is what contentment feels like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading 'til the end. Jovente forever! :D


End file.
